Been such a long time i blogged that I wonder if anyone is even reading my blog anymore...especially since i have totally given up on photobucket to load the pictures..

Well..all in all..rounding up 2009...its been a relatively good year..work wise..its really been a pretty quiet year..as i expected due to the market downturn..its a refreshing change...after been so busy for at least the last 5 years of my career...to have more time to myself to do whatever I want...and leaving work on the dot..not having to work on weekends or dream about conference calls and reviewing agreements....in a way...i somehow hope things stay like this for a while..even though that definately means no career advancement for me..but for now..i still want to take slow and think about my next steps...but soon..before i get too comfortable..

2009 also took me through a journey to understand myself better..through various incidents that happened..some which i blogged about and some that i keep close within myself...i realised i am more imperfect that i really am...and saw sides of me that i never knew i was....be it in a frienship, relationship or interactions with my family...of course..the most important and unbelieveable thing that happened ( and it may still not have totally registered) was to be in a relationship with someone...someone i never saw as another half and had been frens with for more than a good 5 years....through the relationship..i experienced certain emotions that i never felt before..both good and bad ones..and the scary thing is i never thought someone ever had that kind of power to influence or affect me so deeply...its still a learning process..till now..there are problems and issues...many which i am still frightened of...but all in all..i am still happy and thankful...and definately appreciative of the efforts that has been put in to administer this relationship..there is no crystal ball grazing into the future and while we never really know what the future beholds...i think i will try my best to do whatever i can..so that no matter what...i shouldnt be living in regrets...

I hope to grow more matured in the coming year...be more magnimous to others...have a big heart...stay positive and avoid being too bitchy and gossipy...i also hope to strengthen the friendships with those close to heart and appreciate everyone in my life.....and steer as clear away as those that still give me creeps...though the irony is that they were once the people i look towards...

Anyway...bye bye 2009..thanks for allowing me to criuse through the year pretty happily...and harlow 2010..be kind, be nice, to me...

As we grow older...we appreciate more and more on what other people do...

Thanks to all that made an effort to make my bdae special..special thanks to shujun and xinying for arranging for the surprise celebration and the "sexy" cake...

Thanks for loving me!! I have never been happier!

Friendship is co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them.

Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

• the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
• sympathy and empathy,
• honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart,
• mutual understanding.

i lost my china trip, my japan trip and a fren..

its been a bad week for me..and finally..its not over work...wonder i should actually be happy or sad...well..dun really wish to tok abt what has happened....but of course..i know that i am also in the wrong....just made me wonder..if is it? over this thing? i wonder..if i were ever going to look back at this many years later and realise that it was just so silly..but..it takes 2 to clap...and i am really tired of trying..maybe i m just too flawed a person to deserve someone else's frenship....thanks for people who can accept me for who i am, and forgive me when i make mistakes..and sorry for those that cant..i wonder if i should do anything..but at 28..maybe my pride is too strong as well..wonder when was the last time i cried over something...is it i have been too perfect or people have just been too accomodating to me..or nothing major has ever happened to me to make myself circum to such a situation? anyway..whether or not..talking or not talking..doesnt really matter anymore..because..some way or another..we have moved out of each other's life...no MAC (material adverse change) to each other..

just hope that i be focused on my work again..

Well..board meetings and results annoucement..then..preparation for site visit...going china in mid may..right after I am back..will charge to Tokyo for holiday!! wow.....good to keep myself occupied and negative thoughts out of the window!

Experienced unhappiness that has somewhat been absent for a while..or maybe I chose not to think too much into it...but...today...emotions surged again..and much as I try to reconcile with myself..i still feel rather disheartened..why is it so hard to do the right thing sometimes...why must we always be in the grey area...somewhat torn and affected over what has happened...I am just living a day at a time..it helps to make me feel better...no doubt...but...the fundamental problems are still there..thanks God for friends, especially to the SJ, Fer and XY...it helps..but my heart still feels heavy...

Haiz..can the bloody market just recover asap??!?!?

So pretty! i like!!

I feel touched....by many simple things...

by the support my frens and colleagues extended to me during my granny's funeral..especially those who arent that close to me..and those that made an effort to come to the funeral, to help out or whatsover...

by the morning calls I received ( and follow up calls!)....

by the msn and smses received during the "opportunity" period....

by the gifts from June from USA.....

by the lovely smses to remind me that I am being missed....

by the presents received during friendship day..to remind me that I am not alone..

by the treats given....

every time I feel frustrated..especially over work...I take a deep breath and remind myself that I have more in life than to allow myself to be enstrangled over things that may not really matter in the end...life is short..and I have better use for it than I might imagine..

1. You ever saw me without make up

2. I ever lost my temper at you over the most trival matter on earth

3. You ever seen me cry

4. I look for you in my moment of weakness

5. I offer to buy dinner/ lunch

6. You are aware each time I have any secret opportunities

7. I invite you over to my house

8. you ever fund transfered Ioans to me ( haha!)

9. you have seen me eat like a pig

10. you have this blog address! (hahaha)

Especially photobucket!! its taking forever to load that it is literally wasting my youth!!! and severely discouraging me from blogging!!

pissed!!!